Archive | June, 2012

Learning to Love: The Journey

21 Jun

I want to learn how to love as unconditionally as my mother-in-law loves her parents.  Her childhood was not the best, and I have seen so many people grow up with bitterness against their parents, even when their own childhood was not half as bad as hers.  Yet, she chooses never to highlight the bad, only speaking good of them.  Never accusing, or blaming them for anything, even though she suffered because of their actions.  This is, to me, the very definition of unconditional love.  I have asked her how she does that, how she is so loyal to them, and her answer is simple: “Because they are my family.”  In her mind, regardless of what they may do wrong, family is part of one’s self, and should be shown love.

I would like to learn how to just love people because of who they are, and stop subconsciously loving them more or less based on how much I consider they deserve it.  Usually, if I see a person who only thinks selfishly, my respect, and love towards them decreases.  It’s like I need to have a reason to love someone, like so-and-so puts others first, so they deserve to be loved.  However, that is most certainly conditional love, depending on their behavior, and attitudes.  I have no problem, treating strangers politely, and treating certain people with love.  However, I really need to work on treating with love, and sincerely loving, those who I (am supposed to) love, but do not like.   For example, those whose personalities do not click with mine , or whose opinions differ greatly from mine, and actions just do not match up with my “standards”.  Looking in, I notice I can be judgemental, when one strives for excellence, they start making the mistake of seeing what others should work on.  In my own quest for excellence, I must cease to do this, and work on myself, and just focus on loving others.

This brings me to explain what this “journey” will be.  I have made the decision to leave much of my life behind to live with my mother who is battling breast cancer.  This trip will be my quest for learning how to love unconditionally. Going somewhere I was not looking forward to going. Leaving my comfort, to be with those who I love but don’t like. I have put up walls, I am used to just watching from a distance what is happening, making it easier to have my walls up, with that convenient little window to look thru.  However, love means tearing down those walls, and opening up my heart to the severity of what will be going on around me.  I have a hard, and sometimes rebellious heart.  God promises to take that heart, and replace it will a heart of flesh, which will truly feel how He means it to.  I am bracing myself, because this seems like it’s going to be a time when I will be tested, and frustrated, and probably desperate.  I know I will become, very dependent on God.  He is the one who shaped my character, He taught my how to let go of my fits of rage, and anger problems back in Summer of 2002.  It looks like 2012 will be a lengthy course on unconditional love.

My Quest for Physical Self-Improvement

17 Jun

I have always been conscious of the value of healthy eating, sleeping, and exercising habits. I know that if I am a person of excellence I must strive for that in every area of my life.  Though I probably eat healthy more times than not, having good sleeping, and exercising habits weren’t my strong point.  This is how I knew that they were exactly the areas I needed to work on if I wanted my body to get back into balance.  However, what made me decide to start exercising was seeing this eye-opening image stating the benefits of exercise.

Benefits of Exercising

What really called my attention was how it helped migraines, and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.  I have been very thin my whole life, so I was not looking to lose any weight.  Quite the contrary, I wouldn’t mind putting on some pounds.   At 5’4” the most I have ever weighed has been 109lbs., so there is still room in my BMI to grow.  As it happens, the same fast metabolism that has kept me thin my whole life, has also been responsible for my migraines, PCOS, and my mildly fatty liver.  Without getting in the tedious details of how the endocrine system controls what happens in our bodies, I will try to explain this as briefly as possible.  Ok, maybe not brief, I am rarely brief.

From what research I have done, I learned that a fast metabolism means that you burn your food faster because your body releases more insulin that drives the glucose (from food)  into the cells for energy.  Sounds great at first, right?  I could literally eat everything I wanted, and any amount I wanted, and I wouldn’t gain weight.  Besides that I was always eating, because I was always hungry (low blood sugar caused by so much insulin).  However, that same insulin was the cause for the migraines I would get almost immediately after I would eat refined sugar.  It was also the cause for my menstrual irregularities, which I never gave much importance to until I was married, and off the pill, and wondering where my period was for 6 months (and no, I was not pregnant).  During those 6 months, some test were done showing ovaries with cysts.  Then, there was the gallbladder attack.  The test to see my gallbladder also revealed a mild fatty liver, which may have been a result of all the excess estrogen in my system. (The liver is responsible for eliminating the excess hormones in the body.) At the point of my gallbladder attack I was also jaundice, so my liver was not in the best conditions.  So, this is where my fast metabolism, (and love for carbs) had led me: I was 21 years old, thin as always, but my health was not in the best shape because my hormones, controlled by the thyroid in charge of the metabolism, were out of whack.  So, I began looking for ways to restore my health, natural ways.

First things had to be first, my doctor wanted to remove my gallbladder, I had other ideas.  I googled it (of course), and apparently there was a gallbladder flush.  After gulping down a nasty mixture of extra virgin olive oil, and lemon juice, away went most of the stones!  (I’ve got the ultrasounds to prove it.)  I still had the liver issue, the migraines, and the PCOS.  I began learning what I should eat, and what I shouldn’t.   This helped avoid at least those migraines brought on by my diet.  About the PCOS, I began taking a natural supplement, vitex, which did help.  I went from going 6 months without a cycle to having consistent 35 day cycles, something I had never had before.  I was also taking dandelion root tea for my liver, and I noticed, the pain in my liver went away.

In all this, I didn’t give exercise a chance, I figured the natural supplements were good enough.  What I didn’t realize is that this just served as, exactly that, a supplement to a healthy life style, which needed to include exercise.  The supplements were not meant to be taken forever, there needed to come a point where my body was enough in balance to sustain itself.  When the time came,  I started to look for other alternatives, and I found that image.  I knew my father never wanted to go a day without working out, and when he had to it would literally make him sick.  I thought: “Maybe that is what I am missing, maybe my body needs exercise to keep its own balance”.  I figured it was time.

My husband had been doing P90x for quite a while, and was about to start again.  I suggested I join him the next Monday to start off.  I want to point out, I believe when one does exercise, it should be with a goal in mind.  My goal?  Excercise at least 30 minutes, 5 days a week.  I did not want to lose weight, I did not want to “look better”, I did not want a six-pack.  My only complaint was a distended lower abdomen, caused by PCOS.  I just wanted to exercise to bring my body into balance, and I knew it would take care of everything else.

My distended abdomen due to PCOS, and yes, this is without sticking my belly out

I began P90x without being able to do 1 push-up.  After the first, and most painful week, I noticed I was able to do 1 then 5 push-ups, and still improving.  My heart rate doesn’t go so high as it used to, meaning my heart is working more efficiently.  My migraines are abolished, and if I notice one is about to start-up, I just start doing jumping jacks, getting the blood flowing prevents it from happening.  Most importantly, my hormones are being balanced, I don’t wake up with that pain on my ovaries, my cycles are regulating, going to 28 days (which is how it should be).  I remember reading about how in Eastern medicine, PCOS, and reproductive disorders were caused by stagnant blood.  That may be the truth because I have seen improvement, and it makes sense.

Along with these improvements, exercising has led to other healthy habits.  Due to our schedules, my husband, and I could not find a decent time to work out after work.  We found the best time would be to exercise before work, around 8 am.  Of course, this means we have to be in bed earlier than 12am, way before that, preferably.  Thus, without meaning to, we have been able to improve our sleeping habits as we have wanted to for so long.  Additionally, I’ve read that going to bed early helps your liver, so added bonus there.  Also, if we go to bed early we are no longer going out to eat at fast foods late at night.  Since we workout in the morning, I can use the evening to cook, so that we eat something good, but not too heavy before 8 or 9pm.

We are now starting the second month, and though I only mean to workout 30 minutes per day, I usually end up doing the whole hour or hour, and a half (when it’s Yoga).   It is true, I do not always wake up eager to excercise, but I begin anyways, and the energy follows.  Going to show me that it’s not about how you feel, it’s about showing up, and being committed, and good things will follow.  I notice my abs are starting to show, my distended lower abdomen (result of PCOS) is a lot flatter, and I feel more energetic.  Sometimes I think to myself that the answer has always been staring me in the face.  I am glad, I finally began.  This was not a new year’s resolution.  I never make those.  I make new day’s resolutions, I decide to work on things that need improvement in my life, and everyday I wake up is a new opportunity to do so.

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My Review (in Spanish) on an Italian Restuarant Here in Puerto Rico

13 Jun

My Review (in Spanish) on an Italian Restuarant Here in Puerto Rico